lens culture
Meeting the 'Mitinis'
Robic Upadhayay

Meeting the 'Mitinis'

“Sisters not by blood, but by bonds that run deep, In valleys and villages, their promises they keep. Through years and miles, their love does not sway, ‘Mitinis’ in joy and sorrow, they find their way.” In the broad Nepali cultural tradition, ‘mitinis’ are friends or ‘sisters’ for life, bound not by blood but by choice. A mit or mitini is an age-old custom where two unrelated individuals choose each other as special friends, sealing their bond with a ritual and a formal announcement to their friends and family. This bond is believed to be stronger than that of a sibling, exemplifying the adage that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. This photo story; captured in 6X6 film, focuses on female friendships between mitinis in the remote village of ‘Naiche’ in Lamjung, around 230 km west of the capital, Kathmandu. These bonds of friendships transcend caste, creed, language, and economic background. ‘Naiche’ is primarily a Gurung village, but mitinis include women from the Chhetri, Brahmin, Tamang, and Thakali communities. Although married off to other villages near and far, they maintain their emotional thread, connecting them and their families. They talk over the phone, send each other Koselis -gifts, and participate in every significant life event, such as weddings and funerals. In a world often divided by barriers, these chosen bonds stand as a reminder that relationships built on mutual respect and love have the power to transcend differences.

Photos
22
Status
Public
Created
Sep 23, 2025
Updated
Sep 23, 2025
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Tags
#Nepal #Film Photography #Medium Format #Friendship #Mitinis #Travel

Photos (22)

Paisamaya Gurung (left), 58, from Naiche, and Buddhimaya Tamang, 60, from Thulobesi in Lamjung, were married in their teens and bonded as mitinis as their husbands were mits too. In the Gurung language, a mitini is called ‘nyalso’.
Naiche, a primarily Gurung village in Lamjung renowned for wild honey hunters, stands at a crossroads. Its traditional identity is now contending with modernisation driven by four hydropower projects, which bring roads, newer construction methods, and outside influences.
Sukmaya Gurung (left), 48, and Baisamaya Gurung, 50, were fortunate to be married off in the villages they grew up in. They meet frequently, support each other in agriculture, and stand by each other in times of need.
Sukmaya braids a flower into Baisamaya’s hair as they bask in the sun. Sukmaya is the more talkative one, while Baisamaya is more reserved. They do not call each other by name, using mitini instead.
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Tilmaya Thapa (left), 60, from Thulobesi, and Lokmaya Gurung, 59, from Naiche, reunited after three months. They met at school, where they could only study up to the primary level before both were married off.
Lokmaya and Tilmaya talk on the front porch of Tilmaya’s house in Thulobesi. Lokmaya finds solace in sharing her troubles with Tilmaya. They often reminisce about their childhood and the mischief they got into.
When Binita Thapa, 35, got married last year, she received these gifts from her mitini, 41-year-old Naumaya Gurung, including a make-up kit and other accessories. Naumaya attended Binita’s marriage, and her joy reflected the depth of their friendship, enriched by these tokens of love.
Binita and Naumaya both grew up in Thulobesi, but after getting married, Naumaya moved to Naiche, and Binita moved to Taracho. Since Binita’s marriage, they meet less frequently, so Naumaya was excited to travel to Taracho and meet her friend for the first time since her wedding.
'Mitinis' are like maize and beans that grow together in the same field. Despite their differences, they support each other’s growth. The mitini relationship, like these plants, enriches and brings harmony to their shared lives.
Anisha Gurung (left), 7, and Anushka Gurung, 6, are inseparable. They study and play together, only separating for bedtime. Their parents bonded them as mitinis because of their friendship and similar names.
From Taracho, Santamaya Adhikari, 57, sends dried garlic to her mitini, Pansari Gurung, 59, in Naiche. Santamaya lives with her ageing mother-in-law and rarely sees Pansari, but their bond remains strong through exchanging these thoughtful gifts.
Pansari Gurung is delighted to receive the garlic sent to her by Santamaya. Pansari, too, is occupied with her farm, so she doesn’t get to visit her mitini often. But, she also sends gifts to her mitini whenever anyone travels to Taracho.
7. When they met at a mela a few years ago, Binukumari Gurung and Lilimaya Adhikari, both 49 years old, bought these brass gagris, one for each of their homes. Today, Binukumari is visiting Lilmaya in Taracho after a year and a half.
Binukumari (left) and Lilimaya belong to different communities and villages but share similar family situations. Their children are either out of the country or in the town of Besisahar for employment. They met as children while collecting fodder in the forest for their livestock. They bonded instantly and decided to be mitinis after a mere three weeks.
Mitinis- Sukmaya Gurung and Baisamaya Gurung return to Naiche together after collecting stones to build a wall and grass for their goats.
During rice planting season, mitini families support each other by providing labour. Their collaboration weaves a strong community fabric in these hilly villages, where agriculture remains manual and land is limited.
The Ngyadi River separates the villages of Naiche and Taracho but also connects them. Buddhimaya Tamang and Paisamaya Gurung would meet at the river, which is almost equidistant from both villages. In summer, they would dip their feet in the river and chat for hours.
Tilmaya Thapa (left), 60, from Thulobesi, and Lokmaya Gurung, 59, from Naiche, have been mitinis for over half a century. They share their sorrows and joys, becoming vital pillars for each other's mental well-being.
Maitamaya Gurung (left), 55, and Bhilimaya Mahato, 56, are from different ethnic backgrounds. They talk over a glass of chhyang (millet beer) when they meet at Maitamaya’s house and a glass of mohi (buttermilk) at Bhilimaya’s house. Their friendship blends cultures and practices.
Although Paisamaya Gurung and Buddhimaya Tamang have been mitinis for almost 50 years, they didn’t have a picture of them together. Cameras were a novelty once, and taking a photo together never occurred to them. So I asked them to take a selfie together with their mobile phone.
This photo project created opportunities for reconnection, reuniting many mitinis after a long separation- some of these friendships span more than 50 years,
Two octogenarian mitinis hold hands, their lives intertwined through decades. Despite their age and mobility challenges, they finally reunited after over five years. As they spoke, they marveled at how everything around them had changed, yet their bond remained constant and unwavering.