you refuse to believe that you ever liked pink

In August of 2020, my daughter Margaret announced the new name and non-binary identity as Alex, and while I fully support this, I am learning who the new person is, learning to love who Alex is becoming, and considering my own evolution as a mother. As a young adult with autism spectrum disorder and many physical ailments, Alex struggles to exist in a world that runs counter to how my child understands it. Along with the gender transition, Alex came into an awareness as an asexual (ace) adult, and this portfolio reflects the search for all these identities. Unlike other work about this subject, my portfolio not only investigates Alex’s identity, but also how a mother transitions with her transgender child. Instead of talking about boyfriends and how to keep from getting pregnant, I talk with Alex about things like sexuality for ace people and breast reduction. This work examines our relationship through changing circumstances, supported by the unconditional love we hold for one another. As for my voice, both pain and joy come through as I mourn the loss of who I thought Alex would be and fall in love with the person that Alex is becoming.